"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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