Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
