And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
