i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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