Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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