Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
