Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
try to milk me bitch
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