I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
