Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
