So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
