im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
