You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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