The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
