I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So vagazzling was a success
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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