come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize