Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
