Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Someone signed my nipple.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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