Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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