Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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