Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
