we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
