Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
