Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
