Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
