I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
