everyone is single if you try hard enough
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
