I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
