4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Oh god it's open bar.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
