I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
