'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize