If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
