the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
