I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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