first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
