were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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