Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
