I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
