I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
