We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
