he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
