You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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