My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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