I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
