you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Come on in and take your pants off
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