Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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