So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
