i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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