Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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