he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
