yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
