If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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