In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
