weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
and she was petting her beer can
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
