Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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