just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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