What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
